Sorry for you, but I'm with the dealer on this one.
The flex disc is a wear part. I've owned several dozen older bimmers (including 15 2002's) and replaced the disc on several of them, plus several more on cars owned by friends. In older bimmers it's not a difficult project, but the 17 and 19 mm bolts have self-locking (aka nylock) nuts and can be real tight. Small matter to anyone using impact tools, though.
Now as to the proposed $850 expense - this is a job that (I think, haven't gotten under a 540i) you could do yourself with a jack, stands, a couple wrenches and some elbow grease. At least, you'll have a look at the vicinity of the work, and whether the disc is obscured or poorly accessible b/c of other stuff hanging in the way. Remember, a buncha guys (and some robots) put it together, in a logical fashion, and one guy with some wrenches, guts and time should be able to do the work.
I'd price the part at fcpeuro (no affiliation) and possibly talk to someone in the service business about the job, but getting a look at it will be the number one determinant of how difficult it might be. You can always back off after seeing it, and let someone else have at it.
Last thing: Life of the part depends on how fast, far and hard you drive. I wouldn't put off replacement for long. In the meantime, no burnouts and no heavy acceleration sessions will help the disc last a LITTLE longer.
Charlie
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to add value to these threads, either by pictures or by descriptions, so the next person with the same or similar problem stands on your shoulders.
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