Bmw e31 q&a

[e31jann]

Just found this gold, from a 2001 Mark Fling post:

E31 FAQ
1) Where can I find a V-12 emblem?
A) Sore subject, don't ask.
2) Where can I find clear turn signals?
A) You can't. Sell your car and purchase an M3.
3) My E31 is slow. What speed enhancements are there?
A) See 2.
4) My E31 should handle better. What handling enhancements are there?
A) See 2.
5) My 850 seems cramped. How many people can you fit in an E31?
A) Only one. Passengers complain about 3 and 4 above and bitch about not sitting in an M3.
6) My E31 is unreliable. What should I do?
A) Sell your car. Purchase a new M5. Fry clutch in 1500 miles. Repurchase POS E31. Confess. We'll understand and welcome you back.
7) Can I fix my own E31?
A) No. BMW indicated these cars came from the factory deliberately unserviceable.
8) My dealer's a swell guy and really likes when I show up to have my oil changed. Why is he always so damned happy?
A) Run away! Don't ask, we'll explain later.
9) How can I tell an independent shop is any good at repairing E31s?
A) They've got a sixpack opened on the counter, and a beer propped on the fender of an E32 with the heads off at 4:00 p.m., proclaiming "Happy Hour!"
10) What tires should I buy to give my E31 improved handling?
A) Any. They'll be bare by the next oil change.
11) My E31 shimmies whenever I brake. What's the problem?
A) It's completely normal.
12) My check engine light comes on at different times. What's that mean?
A) See 11.
And Finally....
13) What's a DK? It's all I hear about on this list?
A) Roget�s II: The New Thesaurus, Third Edition. 1995:
dummkopf

NOUN: 1. A mentally dull person: blockhead, chump1, clod, dolt, dullard, dummy, dunce, numskull, thickhead. Slang: dimwit, dumbbell, dumbo.
In other words, an E31 owner. ;^)

[toomanyparts]

I love this. Strong wit.

[ltbrett]

The bum deserted us for greener pastures at Mercedes. He's missed.

[taylorpatterson]

E31 Gold

[kiwiCSi]

Can we make this a sticky in the 'E31 Help' section?!!

[Braveheart61]

Hilarious and true