My 5 Series is going insane

[Bimmer.Babe]

Hello Everyone!

Long time lurker, first time poster. This forum has been a valuable asset to me and given me proper knowledge for little fix-its or jumping off points while talking to my mechanic. For years I've worked on American cars but as you all know- BMW is a beast all its own! I have an '06 5 Series with 140k miles. Ive always kept up with maintenance and only performed small fixes on my own. Anything more than a bulb or fuse and she goes to the authorized mechanic. He has taught me a lot and even allowed me help with some fixes- most recently the rotors. Yeah that put a twinge in me pocket book. anyway....

Well today my 5 series "Betty" has completely lost her mind! It started with the windshield wipers going haywire and not shutting off after which the considerate car gives me an error msg telling me to visit my closest BMW center. At this point I thought that was it and I'd just pull a fuse and worry later. Well then I get a passenger restraint error msg "Fault in passenger-restraint system affecting airbag, belt tensioner or belt-force limiter. but please do continue to keep wearing the safety belt! gggrrr So now I start going through the car, thinking I've had an electrical meltdown, what else could go wrong? A Lot! My horn no longer works, the steering has become stiff and rigid and the buttons on the steering wheel do nothing, front doors wont lock with the fob (I must use the key) and the windows won't go up or down! Everything was fine as I drove to work then I come back out 30 mins later for a quick run to the shop and total catastrophe!

Im seriously at a loss here! Is it a computer malfunction? a relay issue? I'm hoping you'll tell me a quick, cheap fix but instincts tell me that's not the case and suddenly I feel a little nauseous. Any insights would be greatly appreciated, my rock star mechanic works bankers hours but I really need to know what is going on.

Thanks for your time!
- Dani

[testify]

Maybe your alternator is bad and your battery is dying. I've read a lot on here about BMW electronics acting funny and giving false error codes under this condition.

[MIKYZZ4]

As mentioned above, let's check battery condition first.
Remove battery and charge overnight. Reinstall fully charged.
Measure and verify voltage at battery terminals with a multi/volt meter.
Engine off=(12.4~12.7)volts.
Engine on=(13.5~14.5)volts.
If within these ranges, battery and alternator should be fine.

Clear all error codes and go for a short drive to observe what codes or symptoms reappear.
If they do, I'm sure that your mechanic will check and focus on possibly the General Module,
as I believe it controls all the functions you mentioned as going insane.

[bcromwell]

Replace your battery before anything else

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[MIKYZZ4]

Replace your battery before anything else

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If battery won't hold a charge, or is over 5yrs old, I totally agree, But,
still have it fully charged to 100%, as batteries regularly come off the shelf less than 100%!!

[testify]

If battery won't hold a charge, or is over 5yrs old, I totally agree, But,
still have it fully charged to 100%, as batteries regularly come off the shelf less than 100%!!

As soon as you put a new, functional battery in a car, as long as it has enough juice to start the motor, the alternator will quickly bring it up to a full charge.

[MIKYZZ4]

I disagree, according to my firsthand experiences,
But I err on the side of caution to prevent alternator damage,
So let's just agree to disagree on new battery install prep.

[testify]

I disagree, according to my firsthand experiences,
But I err on the side of caution to prevent alternator damage,
So let's just agree to disagree on new battery install prep.

Ever had to jump start a car?

[Norskie]

As soon as you put a new, functional battery in a car, as long as it has enough juice to start the motor, the alternator will quickly bring it up to a full charge.

While this has been the case for older and simpler cars, this isn't necessarily the case with our E60's. The type and capacity of the battery is programmed into the ECU and the car will charge it to that capacity; for example if it's programmed for a 80Ah battery and you put in a 100Ah, it won't fully charge.

The OP (bimmer.babe) should pull the codes; if any indicate a low voltage situation then replace the battery and reprogram the ECU for the new type/capacity (don't assume it was set correctly the last time a battery was installed). Clear the remaining codes and drive it, see what happens.

[Bimmer.Babe]

Hello, sorry fpr the late reply, Ive worked a lot the past two days and Chicago transit has put me in a great mood. :/

Thank you for your replies! The battery is a couple years old and probably should be checked. I didnt know that it could be so temperamental because of the battery but at least now I have a place to start. Will try to do that tomorrow and go from there. Thanks again ❤️

[pshovest]

Not a good idea to replace the battery without checking alternator output. A 140k mile alternator that can't keep the battery charged is also a good possibility.
OP can unlock the OBC, go to test 9 and monitor system voltage while driving, should be over 13 volts. Alternators often become intermittent as they fail so you need to check this for several days to make sure output is reliable.
Another simple check is to put a 6-10amp charger on the battery overnight. If warning disappear, low voltage is the problem.

E60_Hidden_OBC_Instructions.pdf

[oh2ball]

BTW i replaced my battery last week. BMW OEM battery was the cheapest with BMWCCA discount $156

[pshovest]

That's a good price. Was it an AGM? Can you post the part number? Did you get it from Tischer?