Dumbass of the year award

[carwiz008]

Hooray Florida!

Home protection; use of deadly force; presumption of fear of death or great bodily harm.—

(1) A person is presumed to have held a reasonable fear of imminent peril of death or great bodily harm to himself or herself or another when using defensive force that is intended or likely to cause death or great bodily harm to another if:
(a) The person against whom the defensive force was used was in the process of unlawfully and forcefully entering, or had unlawfully and forcibly entered, a dwelling, residence, or occupied vehicle, or if that person had removed or was attempting to remove another against that person’s will from the dwelling, residence, or occupied vehicle; and
(b) The person who uses defensive force knew or had reason to believe that an unlawful and forcible entry or unlawful and forcible act was occurring or had occurred.

(2) The presumption set forth in subsection (1) does not apply if:
(a) The person against whom the defensive force is used has the right to be in or is a lawful resident of the dwelling, residence, or vehicle, such as an owner, lessee, or titleholder, and there is not an injunction for protection from domestic violence or a written pretrial supervision order of no contact against that person; or
(b) The person or persons sought to be removed is a child or grandchild, or is otherwise in the lawful custody or under the lawful guardianship of, the person against whom the defensive force is used; or
(c) The person who uses defensive force is engaged in an unlawful activity or is using the dwelling, residence, or occupied vehicle to further an unlawful activity; or
(d) The person against whom the defensive force is used is a law enforcement officer, as defined in s. 943.10(14), who enters or attempts to enter a dwelling, residence, or vehicle in the performance of his or her official duties and the officer identified himself or herself in accordance with any applicable law or the person using force knew or reasonably should have known that the person entering or attempting to enter was a law enforcement officer.

(3) A person who is not engaged in an unlawful activity and who is attacked in any other place where he or she has a right to be has no duty to retreat and has the right to stand his or her ground and meet force with force, including deadly force if he or she reasonably believes it is necessary to do so to prevent death or great bodily harm to himself or herself or another or to prevent the commission of a forcible felony.

(4) A person who unlawfully and by force enters or attempts to enter a person’s dwelling, residence, or occupied vehicle is presumed to be doing so with the intent to commit an unlawful act involving force or violence.

(5) As used in this section, the term;
(a) “Dwelling” means a building or conveyance of any kind, including any attached porch, whether the building or conveyance is temporary or permanent, mobile or immobile, which has a roof over it, including a tent, and is designed to be occupied by people lodging therein at night.
(b) “Residence” means a dwelling in which a person resides either temporarily or permanently or is visiting as an invited guest.
(c) “Vehicle” means a conveyance of any kind, whether or not motorized, which is designed to transport people or property.

So unless the intruder does something forceful and/or violent and you are scared for your life, keep it in your pants. You won't be covered under "self-defense" and can STILL face assault charges for making someone lie on the ground at gunpoint.

[DJCarbine]

Being in fear for your life is usually the qualifying factor in most states.

[wbarfels]

White Trash on dove grey, that's never coming out!

You know after managing to lock my only key in both my 94 and 99 (yes I know it's hard to do, one involved the trunk, the other a dead battery) Ive spent allot of time thinking about situations that would involve someone getting locked in my car.....But never in a million years would I have came up with this!

You see everything I came up with ended up with involved 2 things. 1. a funny situation, but 2. me looking like a dick. You could put 3 hollywood writers in a room for a week and tell them to come up with a way to get someone locked in your car BUT 1. have it in no way come back on you, 2. being funny and completely justified, and 3. the "victim" having not a leg to stand on against you. I doubt they could have came up with this!
This also wins hand down for the "a picture is worth a thousand words" award. As well as best "human deer in headlights" (as previously mentioned)

[stalky]

This is one of the coolest things I have ever read online. Hands down!!

Don't Mess With BMW's

Great thread Joey

[wbarfels]

$4k vehicle = man's life?

If you want the 21st century living standard, you better get on with 21st century ethics and morals. Shooting someone for theft will mess up your life possibly worse than his, and rightly so, because your sense of right and wrong is several degrees more messed up than his. Natural selection would rule you out because you and the thief's family would have all but killed each other off centuries ago.

Natural selection is pretty much entirely disabled by civilization, and there's a clear and proven inverse correlation between intelligence and violence. So you choose your camp on this one.

Shit you'll find on the internet, damn.

"Natural selection is pretty much entirely disabled by civilization"

Ive been saying this for years! The advent of Emergency medicine plays a HUGE part in not just stopping, but reversing evolution. Now the every dumb ass that shoots an arrow through his head has a chance at procreating.....

Anyways, if you wanted to get by on claiming self defense all you would have had to do is run back in the house and then put a hoody on him! case closed you go free

[crackerjack1000]

Holy shit OP you are my hero

[khaos]

LOL @ this story.

Also, big fan of the 2nd amendment, but among the top rules of gun ownership like always assume it's loaded and never look down the barrel is:

Don't pull a gun unless you are going to use it. Not for threatening, not for waving around, not for being a macho. I come from third world Africa and have had family murdered and I still hold this to be true. Guns are for killing, not for intimidating drunk minors.

[Dinandave]

YES!!! all i have to say

[canisM3]

Are you kidding? I bet your opinion would change if you were awoken at 3am by your car alarm and find someone you don't know invading your personal property. Even if the kid didn't have bad intentions, he's a waste of oxygen, and deserves no pity. He's lucky he left in a cop car and not an ambulance.

seriously dude... I would be outraged, that kid would have gotten an epic ass beating, one for being on my property, and two for being in MY drivers seat. Not cool, no one gets in my seat :O

[JakebluesM3]

Awesome Post OP. Defense of home or property is a legal use of deadly force where I come from, and should be everywhere, imho. On the other hand, even if I were justified in wasting the guy I don't want to leave my freedom in the hands of a court to second guess my actions. For me, I'd rather give the guy my car than pay for a lawyer to keep my butt out of jail. I can't think of anything I own that's worth the sleepless nights worrying whether the DA will decide if I was justified or not, plus the lawyers, lawsuits, etc, etc. Just my two cents though. When the time comes you just react, and it sounds like you acted appropriately to me. I'm a former Marine from Texas though, so feel free to insert whatever gun-toting redneck joke you want...

Now, away from politics and back to car screwups...

I was doing a clutch job on my E30 in my garage one day with jack stands & jacks. I had the car on stands, and but was using my floor jack for something else up front, (probably the transmission, but I forget.) I think I needed to move one of the jackstands temporarily in order to get the transmission out from under the car, but I needed another jack in order to lift the rear end.

I dug around and found an old cheapy bottle jack that came from an old nissan pickup (he's from Texas, so obviously he had a pickup around somewhere, right?). This thing had almost no base on the bottom of it, so it was easily tipped over. I had jacked up the rear end of the car off the stand with the bottle jack, shifted the stand out of the way (but still under the car), and had just gotten away from the car when the bottle jack tipped over and dropped the car back down on the stand. The stand, however, was now underneath the gas tank, and punctured a hole through the tank which began leaking fuel all over my garage floor very rapidly.

I started looking for a pan to start catching the fuel when I realized that the fuel was starting to spread out on the floor... towards the gas powered water heater for the house. . .hmmm. Two words drifted into my head at this point. . .Pilot and Light. . .

I dove for the heater and blew out the pilot when the fuel puddle was within about 3 feet of the heater.

I can now tell you how to patch a small hole in a gas tank that will last for at least a few years, in case anyone is interested.

I'm loving these stories by the way. It's embarrasing how many stories I have that are worthy of posting on here though, come to think of it...

-Jake

[carwiz008]

former Marine

isn't there a saying about that?

Good reasoning on the DA deeming justification bit. How did you fix the tank?

[attrack]

I read this and laughed and cheered.. Then cried because if that happened in Canada I'd be the one in trouble for hostage taking. There was a local story of a robber that got cornered in a house by a big Rottie and he got a court order to have the dog destroyed.. HERP DUR

Before the security cameras, motion sensing lights, and proximity alarms on our cars, someone broke into the cars on average of once a month. The thefts were never serious, just things like CDs and change out of the ashtrays. But after my tool box (all 200 pounds of it) and 4 beat up alloy wheels were stolen in broad daylight, I went all out.

The lights, and cameras sense motion and when they do, the cameras start recording. A few weeks ago, the house lit up at about 3:30 am, and the alarm on my car gave a few warning chirps. I hit the button on the fob to shut it off, and it unlocked the doors. Barefoot and in boxer shorts I went out the front door, and stepped around behind my car. The kid trying to get in my car was obviously drunk, and a minor.

However, I don't care how drunk or stoned you are, when an angry 6'4" 250 pound dude, with tattoos and piercings is standing there pointing a Colt Delta Elite 10mm at your brain case, you sober up pretty quick.

I respect the OPs restraint, because I was just 1/2 an ounce of finger pressure from splattering this idiot all over the inside of my car. The only thing that stopped me, was the thought of cleaning it up. We waited until the LEOs showed up, but it was a very tense 45 minutes.

It's funny, but I haven't had another problem since. Again, kudos to the OP, good catch.

INTERNET TOUGH GUY ALERT
I'm sorry but your story is ridiculous and your butt must be jealous of all that diarrhea that just spewed outa your mouth.. I wouldnt shoot at a kid ( or even if his general direction) even if he/she tried making off with my Ferrari F40.. Let alone a lousy e36. But if they threatened another life.. It's war

BTW never do that to a guy unless you have total disregard for your family and friends.. Make him understand your not a pushover but never ever ever! humiliate him/ her :shudder:

[JakebluesM3]

How did you fix the tank?

JB Weld saved the day. . .it lasted at least two years after that until I got t-boned by an old F-150 with a huge cattle guard on the front. Tank stayed sealed then, and I walked away with only minor cuts from broken glass. My first bimmer. . . RIP. [sniff]

Anyone else have some good JB Weld stories? They would kind of fit in this random thread as well.

[BornKnowLedge]

LMFAO! [lol emoticon here]

Wonder wtf was going thru his head.

[e21Terry]

Internet tough guys? Car / posessions not worth kids life? Five years from now he'll be breaking into your home raping your daughter &/or wife while robbing. Then he'll be stealing that part of our lives spent working that pay for his incarceration. Better to remove this fecal stain on the underwear of humanity before he does more damage or reproduces.

[carwiz008]

cue minority report. We don't prosecute pre-crime, pal

[Bowhunter5882]

Awesome story, glad you shared it for sure.

[flyfishvt]

Internet tough guys? Car / posessions not worth kids life? Five years from now he'll be breaking into your home raping your daughter &/or wife while robbing. Then he'll be stealing that part of our lives spent working that pay for his incarceration. Better to remove this fecal stain on the underwear of humanity before he does more damage or reproduces.

So you've NEVER done anything stupid? Have you ever even held a hand gun? Have you ever pointed one at a human being with your finger on the trigger?

Grow up dude...the days of Bonnie and Clyde and The Hatfields and McCoys are long gone. We don't shoot people for being drunk or stupid. If we did then there would probably be about 5 people in the entire US. Don't ruin a great story with all that macho redneck crap

[e21Terry]

So you've NEVER done anything stupid? Have you ever even held a hand gun? Have you ever pointed one at a human being with your finger on the trigger?

Grow up dude...the days of Bonnie and Clyde and The Hatfields and McCoys are long gone. We don't shoot people for being drunk or stupid. If we did then there would probably be about 5 people in the entire US. Don't ruin a great story with all that macho redneck crap

Yes I've done stupid things. That doesn't excuse me or anyone else from consequenses.

Yes, I have held a handgun and can shoot one accurately and proficiently. So can my wife & daughter.

No, thank God, I have never had to point a gun at another human being and hope I never have to. As to "macho redneck crap" I am well aware that in a real life or death situation with the adrenaline pumping is a whole 'nother world. I once walked into a freind's house and surprised an intruder. The intruder reached behind himself but before he could get the cheap .25 auto out of his back pocket I charged him, put him down and disarmed him. It took me a good while to get calmed back down after.

Mama worked for the county court for 20 some years, and I have many friends in L. E., including a (late) homicide detective that I used to deer hunt with. I have insights that most of the general public doesn't, and I can tell you that that douche bag will probably be detriment and burden to society the rest of his life.

Do I advocate deadly force for a drunk, stupid kid trying to break into a car? No. But I do contest the water headed notion that no property crime is worth someone's life. If you worked for that property, you essentially traded a part of your life for it. I worked hard for what I have and I'll be damned if I'll let it go without a fight if a perp wants to take it to that level. Thank God NC has a castle law! To those of you that would rather be victims, that's your right.

Edit: We have some great native brookies in some streams here. Come on down & we'll hook up with a guide friend of mine known as "the trout pimp". After, we'll drink some white liquor and have a rational, friendly debate.

[carwiz008]

US gov agencies value an average human life at no less than $6 million. Unless you have a 250 GTO I would say let it ride (and shame on you for leaving it in the driveway like that).

I 100% understand that we trade part of our lives for our property and value it as such, but the truth is that there is no exchange rate; you simply cannot compare biological, (arguably)intelligent life to any man-made object. We live in a humanistic society, live and let live

"This isn't 'Nam... there are rules"

[xlDooM]

I have insights that most of the general public doesn't, and I can tell you that that douche bag will probably be detriment and burden to society the rest of his life.

And the word "probably" there is why I sincerely hope you go to jail if you shoot him.

[attrack]

Maybe if I lived in the slums of Russia where crime and mafia reign supreme I would worry about hypothetical issues.. Or I'd get a big Friggen Rottweiler or Doberman and sleep tight. Studies prove time and time again that a petty thief won't worry about screwing around a guarded house and if he did then you have 'reason to fear for your life'

[UnderCoverGuy11]

I say death is a fair penalty for this. I mean, it's not like you mistakenly tried to steal the car, everyone knows it's wrong.

[canisM3]

I would shoot him in the foot. He would never drive again, screw that kid, are you guys kidding me?

[ross1]

So, whatever happened to this asshat?