Dad Drama, was this a bad idea?

[Trevor Wesmore]

I'm a 19 year old college sophomore who has just made my first big purchase: CPO 2011 328i in Alpine White with Terra Dakota interior. When I was 16 my dad and I had a deal, whatever I made working for my car, he'd match it. After partying, bills, and my addiction to eating out, I saved a total of $5,416. I called my dad, he verified my bank statements, and about a week later, wired me $5400. After ordering a cheese pizza and hitting up the strip club with my friends I had about $10,430 left. I had already had what I wanted in mind, so my pal and I drove up to Hendrick BMW the very next day. The car had 44,331 miles, 1 previous owner and no accidents, although you can't trust car fax, and all BMW servicing and was priced at $16,994. I had a pre-purchase inspection done with my favorite mechanic, and everything checked out. So I went through with applying for an auto loan with my credit union. ( I was uneasy with applying through BMW financial, seeing I have a limited credit history, 1 credit card, and no student loans ( full-ride baseball scholarship ) or nothing major on my credit report to make me appear trustworthy.) My credit Union approved me ( my uncle co-signed ) and I spread out my payments over 48 mos. 4.3% Apr , I put $3,500 down and and after taxes, fees, etc. I ended up with a $363.51 monthly payment. I put the remaining $6,930 in checking, and put my car note of bank draft. My insurance is $261/mo now which sucks but eh... It comes with the territory. ( I'm on my own policy, my parents opened it up, but I'm the only driver on it and I foot the bill, but that's where the lower rate comes from.) Conveniently I just got a promotion! Thank heaven. We're almost 6 months since my purchase, I've been paying my car note / insurance directly from my check, put some in savings but still haven't had to touch the original $6,930. No major issues so far besides dad drama, which I don't understand. He was livid ! Like spazzed as soon as he found out, and is still angry to date and I have no idea why. I feel like I've made a relatively mature and lucrative decision. I haven't asked him for a dime, outside of his original contribution of $5,400. A contribution which he made a deal on, no specifications of car type were ever made / discussed, so I'm lost. I also didn't inform him of my uncles co-sign (didn't want to throw him under the bus) . I have a full- ride scholarship and am doing a fairly decent job of managing my finances and paying my bills, what's the problem? I guess I'm looking for an adult standpoint that I may not be understanding, is there a hidden problem with what I've done, that I don't understand yet due to maturity level? Was this a bad idea, and what could I have possible done differently?

[NY Scotsman]

As a Dad (and there are others on the forum that may weigh in) my hunch is it may have to do with the old truism: "unfulfilled expectations are the root of unhappiness".

Only you and he know what his expectations were but I'm guessing he didn't want you to get in debt on a car (probably why he offered to give you a chunk of change). You basically took his cash, parked it in a bank and then got a loan so you could buy a BMW.

You sound like a smart kid and when he calms down you'll probably be able to reason with him but if you want a happy business partner (or Dad) next time you might want to share your real plans with them before they agree to the deal.

Transparency avoids confusion and unfulfilled expectations!

[pauljcl]

Yes, I agree. I believe the issue is that the original poster went into debt and got an 'expensive' car that exceeded the (assumed) amount believed agreed. The Dad also probably foresees large maintenance/repair costs in the future. It might be best to talk it over with him? Good communication can't hurt....

[kc jr 54]

The money he gave to you was suppose to go to a vehicle purchase, rather its sitting in a checking account not doing anything. Money makes money, but not when its in checking. I'm only assuming but I'm willing to bet he would have been ok if your had put more down or negotiated down the price. You have an advantage that A LOT of people don't (free education), but you for all intents and purposes potentially threw it out the window by going into debt for a car. If you have to make payments on it, you cant afford it, that simple. And while you view this as a mature step, like most young adults, you're just justifying it in your head in some way.

Lucrative? LoL Absolutely not. There are a very few vehicles that can be considered lucrative, but a late model, baseline, aged german auto is NOT one of them.

And $260 for insurance....Jesus. I pay half that for 4 cars, 3 of which have comprehensive coverage.

The mature thing to do is, you need to talk to your old man, not the internet. While whatever may be bugging him passes, the relationship between the two of you can potentially be permanently altered if you dont open conversation.

[southernbmwride]

I think your Dad may have learned a lesson when it comes to giving money to a relative. The problem may be that there was a verbal agreement that you would buy a car with the money and you did not comply with that verbal agreement. Moving forward in your relationship with your Dad, I think you should return the money to your Dad and say, "hey I really did not need it but thanks." Maybe next time, when you desperately need money, he will be there to help you out, along with mending the relationship as no amount of money is worth damaging a father/son relationship.

[Critter7r]

Your dad expected you to use the $5400 to buy a car, not finance one while parking his $5400 (and then some) in the bank. Because let's face it, you're hanging onto that money so you can party and go to the strip club.

You could have done what you did without his money and still had money in the bank. He just threw $5400 at strippers and he doesn't even get to see any boobs.

[FastJohn]

As a dad, that's how I would see it. It is foolish to go into debt and overbuy when you don't have to. I learned that the hard way when I was in my early 20's. You'll have to learn it the hard way, too.

The drag of the payments stick with you a lot longer than the newness of the car. In a year or so, you might come to the same conclusion, when the BMW isn't so new any more, but the payments and higher insurance are still draining you.

[Pilgrim]

The OP didn't have agreement with his dad on how the money was to be used. If I had given it, I would have assumed that it would go toward purchase of a $10,000 car with little or no debt. However, that should have been clearly explained.

The dad is not blameless - he evidently didn't make his expectations clear. IMO the son did a stupid thing by making a minimal down payment and leaving a chunk of money in the bank. He's also making a ridiculous and unnecessarily large car payment. If it were me, I'd write a $5000 check to the credit union today and pay off that much of the car, leaving the balance for possible repairs or maintenance. If nothing else, that ends the debt earlier.

BUT - the best solution here is for the father and son to act like adults who have had a disagreement. They should sit down together (NOT on the phone or via email,) talk their way through what happened and why they have a disagreement, and do their best to at least understand why this went wrong. This would establish a better basis for mutual trust in their ongoing relationship. What's most important is the future, and the best way to get there is to deal with the past.

[Critter7r]

The OP didn't have agreement with his dad on how the money was to be used. If I had given it, I would have assumed that it would go toward purchase of a $10,000 car with little or no debt. However, that should have been clearly explained.

....


When I was 16 my dad and I had a deal, whatever I made working for my car, he'd match it.

I'd say that the expectation was clear in Jr.'s mind, he just wanted a fat bank account.

[Pilgrim]

Regardless of where the OP is, it's time fora sit down with dad to work through this.

[xbimma]

Hey Trevor wesmore do you believe you made a good deal buying this car regardless of what Dad thinks?

[Seph540i]

I'm going to guess he's mad that you didn't do what he thought you'd with the money. I'm sure he expected you to buy a used vehicle outright and not finance it.

[Trevor Wesmore]

With-in the past few days, I've attempted to have a mature conversation with my dad, with expectations of reaching a mutual understanding. However, I wasn't as successful as I'd hoped. Don't get me wrong, my dad is and will always be my best friend and no amount of money or number of disagreements are going to alter that. I'm just not completely clear on his reasoning. I , of course think I made a decent choice, maybe not the best, but definitely not the worst in my opinion, which is why I asked the forum, specifically the older crowd, expecting wise feedback from a perspective that I couldn't see. My goal in financing was not only to pocket liquid cash for a rainy day ( repairs, maintenance, possible loss of employment, etc.... A stash to keep me on my feet) but, to also establish credit, I would eventually like a condo in the city, and I saw it best to began layering a credit foundation; while purchasing a car. I've been paying over the required car note, and setting aside 15% of every paycheck in savings. Also, from the remaining of my dad contribution, I withdrew $2,500 and applied to a Wells Fargo Secured Investment acct. ( The bank analyst pick and choose which investments they deem safe, and it's all based on profit margins, product demand, and company age, usually 10 years of business at least) and I do realize not every investment is going to be successful, and it is likely that I could loose money, but after weighing the risk, the investments seemed like a good option. I have explained this to my dad and he continues to antagonize me with his puerile excuses, as a substitute for not telling me his true issue with my decision. I have also offered him his money back, and he refused my offer, " If you do not see the error in your choice, then we're not yet ready for this conversation, he said". What the hell does even mean?

[Critter7r]

It means he expected you to use the money to buy a car, not stuff your bank account for a "rainy day".

- - - Updated - - -

You didn't even use all the money you had saved up for the purpose of buying a car. You could have done what you did without your dad forking over five grand.

[Pilgrim]

"I'm just not completely clear on his reasoning" sounds well-founded and reasonable.

But then: "...he continues to antagonize me with his puerile excuses, as a substitute for not telling me his true issue with my decision."

What an insulting thing to say about your dad. That comment indicates little respect for his opinions...yours are evidently all well reasoned, and his are silly and childish ("puerile").

I have to wonder if there's not more to this than a disagreement. It sounds like there is a respect problem here.

Short version in answer to the original question: Yes, this was a bad idea.

[Seph540i]

It seems like a good idea to you but being in college, financing a car is almost NEVER a good idea. And judging from what you first did with the money (partying and strip club), I'd say responsibility and maturity might not be too up there. Long story short, your dad is probably like mine, he expected you to buy a car outright and not have any debts.